im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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