some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
