"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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