Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
