Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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