Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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