Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
