for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want her autograph on my taint
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
