the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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