The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
