OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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