just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
