Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
