in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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