chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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