woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
