i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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