Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Randomize
