he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
