Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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