I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So much rum. So many feels.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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