I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
