i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
