That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
