Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
