then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
