I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
