i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
