So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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