is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
