Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
