woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
