just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
