why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
