The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
