On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
