What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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