i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
