is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
