I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
