Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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