and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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