He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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