omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
