rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
