Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
