I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
