i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
