This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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