so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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