I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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