im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
