His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
