So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
