I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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