So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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