Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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