Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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