Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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