my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
