sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
