Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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