So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize