and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
