so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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