The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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