The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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