So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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