I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
