Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
