careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
