You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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