Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't notice because vodka
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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