i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize